At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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