I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
