my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
