she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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