once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
