I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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