How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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