he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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