I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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