I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
