we have officially mastered the walk of shame
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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