We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
