Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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