hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
