Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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