her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
