i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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