rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
