Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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