I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
