Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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