Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt

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  (248): yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt http://tfl.nu/91j7
  Replies (11) Good night (957) Bad night (3017) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up.  I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah...you probably will...

  (248): View more from Michigan

  well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.

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  (248): Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up.  I think you need to come down here and take it in for me. (248): I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it (734): Yeah...you probably will... (248): well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year. http://tfl.nu/3k5k
  Replies (4) Good night (726) Bad night (1134)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time

  (972): View more from Texas

  i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"

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  (214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!" http://tfl.nu/dprb
  Replies (22) Good night (9423) Bad night (749)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse

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  (407): he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse http://tfl.nu/je2y
  Replies (160) Good night (11271) Bad night (1059)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.

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  (717): Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire. http://tfl.nu/xlxu
  Replies (11) Good night (978) Bad night (2283) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season

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  (978): Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season http://tfl.nu/bvhl
  Replies (4) Good night (2294) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.

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  (860): omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning. http://tfl.nu/wknn
  Replies (6) Good night (2071) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever

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  (781): Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever http://tfl.nu/l0sc
  Replies (7) Good night (1986) Bad night (846)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.

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  (202): there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/ma3l
  Replies (5) Good night (1877) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something

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  (209): Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something http://tfl.nu/htcf
  Replies (23) Good night (888) Bad night (3250) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

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  (910): I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect. http://tfl.nu/cd2m
  Replies (4) Good night (2929) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
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  (875): View more from

  I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.

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  (875): I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant. http://tfl.nu/vus0
  Replies (16) Good night (916) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.

  (426): View more from

  So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.

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  (607): Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy. (426): So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee. http://tfl.nu/cx81
  Replies (12) Good night (2975) Bad night (376)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.

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  (605): but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair. http://tfl.nu/hd3s
  Replies (4) Good night (1160) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts

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  (847): You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts http://tfl.nu/dzv1
  Replies (5) Good night (309) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt

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