Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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