My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
