I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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