she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
