Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
