I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
