Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
