For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
