I want to make a zoo with you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
