no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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