its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
