last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
