so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Let's paint friendship bongs
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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