we made out on top of his cat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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