Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
