im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
