how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
