My Higher Power is John Stamos
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
