Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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