a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So apparently I’m into choking now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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