it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
