hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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