i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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