im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
