I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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