Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I love having hate sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
