You really coming over, don't trick.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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