You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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