I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We talked him into tasing himself.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
