I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
