I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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