What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
