you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
