i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
