I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
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You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm really busy with my period
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