Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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