i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
