I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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