Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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