All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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