Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
