Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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