I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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