That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
