I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
