Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
