I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just found puke in my bra..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
