last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize