I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
