So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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