I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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