it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
