NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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