just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
