Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
