Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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